July 9 2009
"We try so hard to change, but is it ever really possible? Can we permanently change or will we always slip back into old habits? I wanna know will I always be that girl? I've been trying so hard to be someone else, to not be her anymore and now who am I? I know who I was, but now I have no idea.. I tried so hard to be something, someone else that in the process I forgot to be someone, anyone. I'm reverting back to old ways, its blatently obvious, or to me it is anyways. for three years I've tried my hardest to not be her, but may thats just it. Maybe that who I am always going to be, as much as I hate her, that's just going to be me.."
Well I really have progressed far. I wanted to change and I tried to change but unfortunately my bad habits, my old habits won out. I don't yet have the answer to these questions. I'd like to say yes we can change, hopefuly thats true but what I ddo know is that its quite easy to fall into old habits because you know them and you also know the results in advance. Change is scaring and changing you you are or a part of who you are is never going to be easy. I think I've changed a bit but at the same time I'm still that girl.
Its a bit different this time around, and with everthing thats going on right now I'll probably be this way for a little while longer, but I dont know what I was so deperate to change back then, I'm more accepting of it now. I enjoy my lifestyle and maybe the real reason I havent changed yet is because deep down I don't really want too.
No comments:
Post a Comment