It's strange to be happy when you're boyfriend's lonely but thats the way we are.

Everytime I sit down to type, my words seem inadequate and my thoughts cannot be articulated. It drives me crazy, I wish i could communicate effectively and release all this pressure from my mind. perhaps this is why I have difficulty sleeping at nights, maybe I lie awake because I too am scared?

I wish my brain was clear, I wish there was a way to empty my brain, my thoughts. I wish I had someone who could make sense of all the darkness inside my head. It scares me, it truly does and my thoughts often contradict themselves, I need clarity. I need to not be lonely anymore.

Loneliness is a strange thing. I can be alone and be content, yet when surrounded by people I feel so lonely. I know it's the way it goes, and I'm not the only one who has felt like this but it still boggles my mind. The loneliness has taken over my mind and my heart. I could not tell you the last time I was truly happy. I'm lonely. I'm miserable. I'm scared.