"And I'd wish the sun would never come
It's 4 AM and you are gone
I hope you know you're letting go
It's 4 AM and I'm alone"
I am not superman and I cannot fight alone, but now I'm questioning should I fight at all when you won't? Is it worth fighting for?
21.3.11
16.3.11
and the duck speeds off in a silver light
"It's too late to do anything now"
Those are the words I didn't want to hear. I never meant to hurt anyone. This was all supposed to be fun and games, easy and clear cut and now it's a mess. Of course it's a mess. God we were so naive and now, now you can't even look at me. I can't believe we got here. I feel very much to blame but You're the one who wanted this and now I'm the bad guy. They say ignorance is bliss but it's not. You can't sit here and tell me that this is not hurting you! That you're not upset or angry. Every time I see you and you refuse to look at me, you barely speak to me it breaks my heart because above all we are supposed to be friend! I am supposed to be able to talk to you and share things with you. Trust you and confide in you, not feel guilty and want to cry. It's doing my head in, It really is. Can we not just be friends again?
Those are the words I didn't want to hear. I never meant to hurt anyone. This was all supposed to be fun and games, easy and clear cut and now it's a mess. Of course it's a mess. God we were so naive and now, now you can't even look at me. I can't believe we got here. I feel very much to blame but You're the one who wanted this and now I'm the bad guy. They say ignorance is bliss but it's not. You can't sit here and tell me that this is not hurting you! That you're not upset or angry. Every time I see you and you refuse to look at me, you barely speak to me it breaks my heart because above all we are supposed to be friend! I am supposed to be able to talk to you and share things with you. Trust you and confide in you, not feel guilty and want to cry. It's doing my head in, It really is. Can we not just be friends again?
15.3.11
It gets better.
Suicide is a weak option. Suicide is for those who don't want to fight. I know somedays it feels like it's not worth fighting. I also know what it's like to be in that dark terrible place. The other thing I know is that despite everything and despite all the shit is that Life Gets Better. If you're willing to fight with all the strength you have left life will get better. I'm not saying it'll be straight away nor will it be easy but it's worth it in the end.
Life down right sucks some days it truly does. But it gets better. Such a young age and such a waste. I have no sympathy for those who choose to end their life. I've been called a hypocrit but I'd like to point out that I am alive and kicking.
I'm sorry that I offended people I truly am. I know you're all suffering and this is exactly why I have no sympathy for those who choose to do such a thing.
Life down right sucks some days it truly does. But it gets better. Such a young age and such a waste. I have no sympathy for those who choose to end their life. I've been called a hypocrit but I'd like to point out that I am alive and kicking.
I'm sorry that I offended people I truly am. I know you're all suffering and this is exactly why I have no sympathy for those who choose to do such a thing.
8.3.11
oh piano man there's a duck in the room.
so I haven't blogged in a while.
Some big things have happened over the past few months. For one I have a boyfriend. He is amazing.
I guess I haven't blogged for one reason and one reason only. Before I didn't care. I didn't have to care but now, now I do. And i'm trying to be careful with my words and my thoughts.
But I have a few things that need to be said.
-- I can't do this anymore, I can't stand the silence, tonight we barely spoke 10 words to one another, and yes.. i've noticed that you can't look at me anymore and it breaks my heart because i trusted you with everything, my secrets, my thoughts, my dreams and my mistakes and you can't even look at me. Am I a bad person? Are you hurting? Are you jealous? I just want an answer, I want the truth. Yes. Things changed, they did but I'm happy now, can't you be happy for me?
-- I miss you. I have a thousand things I could say to you but that's the most important. I miss the good old days. I miss 4am chats, I miss knowing everything that was going on and I miss my best friend. You used to know me better than I know my self and these days I feel like we're complete strangers.
I have nothing left to say.
Some big things have happened over the past few months. For one I have a boyfriend. He is amazing.
I guess I haven't blogged for one reason and one reason only. Before I didn't care. I didn't have to care but now, now I do. And i'm trying to be careful with my words and my thoughts.
But I have a few things that need to be said.
-- I can't do this anymore, I can't stand the silence, tonight we barely spoke 10 words to one another, and yes.. i've noticed that you can't look at me anymore and it breaks my heart because i trusted you with everything, my secrets, my thoughts, my dreams and my mistakes and you can't even look at me. Am I a bad person? Are you hurting? Are you jealous? I just want an answer, I want the truth. Yes. Things changed, they did but I'm happy now, can't you be happy for me?
-- I miss you. I have a thousand things I could say to you but that's the most important. I miss the good old days. I miss 4am chats, I miss knowing everything that was going on and I miss my best friend. You used to know me better than I know my self and these days I feel like we're complete strangers.
I have nothing left to say.
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