CBJ

I've sat down to write this letter about a thousand and one times now, but my words always seem to fail. I should start off with I miss you and I love you. Not a single day goes by where your not on my mind or in my heart. Your photo is on my mirror, I can't believe your going to be 12 this year. 12. Wow. I have missed so much of your life. Thats my biggest regret is not watching you grow up, not being there to help you. I have no idea whats going on in your life and that kills me it honestly does. I don't even know for sure that ou're still alive. God I hope you are ok. I would trade everything I own and more just to be with you again, to see you, to hold you.
I can't believe she took you away and I can't believe that was just it. I miss you so much that it hurts baby. What hurts more is that Im not crying whilst writing this. I should be, I have this terrible feeling in my stomach. I want to be so violently ill. its not fucking fair. I just hope you havent forgotten me. You were so young it's not fair, I wish I could contact you, I wish I knew you were ok. I wish you were still here.
It truly isn't fair. I do miss you, and I almost didn't survive losing you. Walk back into my life as soon as you can baby.

I should tell you whats going on in my life I guess because so much has changed. I moved out of home, so I guess I feel further away from you than I ever have before. Your room, thats What I miss, your dinosaurs hanging up, I always felt close to you when I was in your room. That will ALWAYS be your room. Always. Regardless of luke (thats dads gfs son). I miss you. God I miss you, your smile, your laugh, your voice. I miss that most. You will always be my brother. Always. I'm going to go now but Please come find me soon.