impulse.

I picked up my life and moved away. I left behind everyone and everything. And I am loving every second of it. For the first time in my life I don't regret doing something like this. But of course life isn't fair. Because now I spend every single day worrying about when it will end. I should have thought more about it, but the truth of the matter is if I had thought it through I would have talked myself out of it. Now I am jhust worried that I'm going to have no choice but to go home. I know I am selfish bt I just wish that for once I could enjoy this change. My housemate doesn't like his job, it's hard to watch him come home each day and be so angry, if he leaves I don't think I could afford to stay here. So this is me being selfish and wishing he would tough it out for me. Because I am so happy. Who knows maybe I will hate my job and want to come home, if that's the case then we could both go but I don't want to do this on my own.

Have you ever done something as impulsive as this? Why is it we are driven by impulses and is impulse really a bad thing? Sure you can impulse spend and regret it later on, but what if we made all our big life choices on an impulse and didnt think things through... take that risk. For me it has paid off, for other it might not but from now on I know that I am not going to think as much because have you ever noticed that once you start thinking you can't stop? It's called over-analysing a situation. And it's bad for you.

If everyone stopped thinking, and started listeneing to themselves, to there deepest darkest desires you may find that people would be much happier. Don't think. Do.

mistake.

Did I make a mistake? was this an impluse choice that I am starting to regret? Maybe. Maybe I did it for the wrong reasons... I'm not sure yet. Don't get me wrong I love my job, I like this town but I just feel like something isn't quite right...

hypocrisy

it's kinda funny. You talk about those girls, but you know you're exactly like them. You're so blind that you fail to see whats in front of you and you take me for granted. you're lucky that i enjoy your company as much as I do. And no it's not just the sex. It's the time we spend together, the ease of conversation, the jealousy.. yeah even the jealousy. We are amazing together and when you open your eyes and realise you don't need a pretty girl, a popular girl then mayube you'll finally be happy.

I'm ready to come home now.

CBJ

I've sat down to write this letter about a thousand and one times now, but my words always seem to fail. I should start off with I miss you and I love you. Not a single day goes by where your not on my mind or in my heart. Your photo is on my mirror, I can't believe your going to be 12 this year. 12. Wow. I have missed so much of your life. Thats my biggest regret is not watching you grow up, not being there to help you. I have no idea whats going on in your life and that kills me it honestly does. I don't even know for sure that ou're still alive. God I hope you are ok. I would trade everything I own and more just to be with you again, to see you, to hold you.
I can't believe she took you away and I can't believe that was just it. I miss you so much that it hurts baby. What hurts more is that Im not crying whilst writing this. I should be, I have this terrible feeling in my stomach. I want to be so violently ill. its not fucking fair. I just hope you havent forgotten me. You were so young it's not fair, I wish I could contact you, I wish I knew you were ok. I wish you were still here.
It truly isn't fair. I do miss you, and I almost didn't survive losing you. Walk back into my life as soon as you can baby.

I should tell you whats going on in my life I guess because so much has changed. I moved out of home, so I guess I feel further away from you than I ever have before. Your room, thats What I miss, your dinosaurs hanging up, I always felt close to you when I was in your room. That will ALWAYS be your room. Always. Regardless of luke (thats dads gfs son). I miss you. God I miss you, your smile, your laugh, your voice. I miss that most. You will always be my brother. Always. I'm going to go now but Please come find me soon.

DAF.

it's funny. Sometimes it takes us awhile to realise things... to see things that are right there infront of us. If you'd said no, don't go. I wouldn't have. And it was only the other night that I realised that. It was too late, but if we'd seen each other in that week maybe I wouldnt have gone. I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth. I am going to miss you, more than I thought I would.

I haven't blogged it anges. Alot has been going on lately.
Over the next week or so I plan on writing letters on my blogs to some important people in my life. If they see them then good, if not then so be it.