My Life.

I'm going to share a bit about my life and where I'm at right now.

About 3 months ago I got sick of my job. I hated it and it was making me sick. To the point where I had to go to get scans etc. So on a whim I applied for a MANAGERS position... Like what the hell was I thinking.. anyways by some miracle I got the job. So now I have moved out of home. I have moved towns and I have taken on ALOT of responsibility. It's kind of crazy to thinka bout it really.

I never ever in a million years thought I would be living away from Albury. Albury is home. But here I am in Griffith.
I'm living with an amazing friend. I would go as far as to ay my best friend. It's funny because when I first told people I was moving in with Lui evryone and I mean everyone had an opinion! True, we went through a rough patch where we fought all the time. Every couple of days we would stop speaking. It was volatile. But things have been fabulous. Yes we have our moments but for the most part we're doing really well.

As for my job, well.. It's been incredibly stressful for the last few weeks. It's life. As much as I complain about it, I love it. I thrive on the stress. I have made amazing friends through my store too. I'm 18 years old and I'm a store manager. How intense is that? I'm dealing with staff and customers and products. I work on average 39ish hours a week. I go in early.. sometimes I stay late. I love my job, It makes me feel good to help people and to find things for people. The discount is pretty good too :P

One downfall of moving away is the relationship I lost because of it. Again this is life and it sucks, It hurt me alot more than I ever thought. But I have to be thankful for the time we had together and for all those moments and memories that I will never ever forget.

xxx

stay.

Ever get lost in a moment?
I like getting lost in the moment. Even more than getting lost in a memory. It's been a long time since I've been lost in a moment. But the memory of those moments still makes me smile.

Why is it that we are so reluctant to let go? I'm the worst when it comes to letting go.. maybe it's because the one time I did actually let go is the one thing I actually truely regret in life. Maybe it's because you know that once you let go then it's gone, whatever or whoever it was is gone and not coming back.

I've lost my train of thought.
Good.Night.

i miss feeling safe.

I would trade everything if I could lay in your arms once again. If you would hold me like you used to. All time would stop and nothing would matter. No one would matter. I miss feeling safe.

rant.

They say home is where the heart is.. but I seem to have lost my heart. Where is home? Is home with the boy who I unknowingy gave my heart too? Is it with the family I left behind for my own selfish ventures? Did I leave it on the side of the road somewhere? Or maybe I threw it up in the park the other night? Where is my heart?

I'm having a rather hard time atthe moment, I probably wouldn't readily admit that to people, not those closest to me anyway. I made an impulse desicion to pick up my life and move 3 hours away. At the time it seemed brilliant, but I'm struggling now. Yes I love my job, but my job is my life right now. That can't be healthy. So I guess my question is why did I do it? Why did I pick up my life and leave? Why do we make rushed choices that effect our lives so greatly?

I suppose there's a boy that's adding to my confusion right about now and I'm once again left wondering about friends with benefits... can it work? or more to the point how long can it last? See I am a strong believer in Friends with benefits, I do really think it can work.. but when does it go from being friends with benefits to more? How do I get out of this grey area between FWB and a relationship? How did I get there in the first place?

I'll tell you how I got there in the first place, Mixed messages. I HATE MIXED MESSAGES. Just be straight with me and I will be stright with you. Simple. Dont talk about wanting a girlfriend after we've just had sex. Don't say here you should probably take this, I'm not sleeping with anyone else... Then say wouldn't it be funny if I dated your sister... Just be straight up with me.

right. there is my little rant for tonight. Any questions?
http://formspring.me/lansdown25