ahh the memories

"Walk.Of.Shame Well, I've certainly made a mess of things now haven't I?! Omg i feel soo sick im disgusted with myself. Every step of the walk home i shook, and felt worse and worse. Someone should shoot me NOW! Don't you hate when you know you shouldn't do something but you do it anyways then regret it afterwards... well thats how i am now. Never Again, I swear" - November 6 2007. Funny, I remember this night so well, I remember being sick to my stomach after this, yet I did it again, and again, and again. How Naive was I?

I'm reading my old blog from 2009, maybe even 2008. I often asked a lot of questions, wrote little quotes and the like and now it's time to answer these questions, comment on these quotes. Reflecting and reminiscing is a wonderful thing. <3 "I'm never going to forget certain people. Even though majority of these people are no longer a part of my life. I might not be the greatest person, but to these people I was at one point in time. I miss those days a lot. I miss those people a lot. " - These are some of the truest words I have ever spoken/written. All these people who have come and gone from my life, I will never ever forget. They all meant something at one point and it's sad that I mean nothing to them anymore. But this is life, it's a part of growing up. I still miss these people and I would love to sit down and chat to each and every one of them one last time. <3 "A few weeks back i faced a dilemma, an age old dilemma in fact. Follow my head or follow my heart? Well I followed my heart. When somebody walks out of your life and three years later they come back what are you going to do? I considered the pros and cons. I accepted the fact that I quite possibly could fall into old habits and end up hurt again, but whats life without risk? What if its different this time? I dont want to be left thinking "if only i had of tried again, if only i had of followed my heart" Call me crazy, but some people are worth it. If I get hurt again, its my fault, but i'm willing to take that chance and in jump head first." - I remember all too well this situation and I did follow my heart and once again I got hurt. It was my fault and guess what... I'd do it all again. I think I'll always hold a place in my heart for him, when people say his name I still smile. Now we didn't work out and he's getting married to someone else. But I'm happy too. And that's all we can ever ask for. <3 "Someone told me the other night that i can morally justify lying, which is true. Im a great liar, but what happens when we become so good at lying, that we start believing the lies we tell ourselves? It makes it harder to admit the turth to others, because even though we know the turth, we've lied so well that we get confused.." -I'm still a liar. And this has been even more relevant than ever. I wrestle with the truth every day. Sometimes I wonder if I'm believing a lie... There's more to come but right now The real world calls, dinner, laundry etc. If only I still lived in my world and not the real world.