all about me. part 2.

Everynow and then I go back over my blogs, I reflect on the time that has passed, I comment on the original post. I enjoy this, I think it shows how much I have grown.

30.1.10
all about me.
I'm not a partier. I'm not a people person. I swear, I drink, I'm rude and sppeak whats on my mind. I can be inappropriate and I know how to play people. I get what I want. I'm full of myself, I'm loud and I often don't care who hears what I say. I'm a dreamer and I live in my head. I have good days and I have bad days. I hate myself and love myself. I enjoy sex. I'm reckless and I don't date. I don't believe in marriage but I do believe in karma. I've smoked cigarettes and I even tried pot. I drive a corolla, which I didn't pay for. My spending habits are HUGE. I'm indulgent. I get mad then get nasty. I can be malicious and vindictive. I get in your head and under your skin. I text too much and don't call enough. I work too hard and play too little. I fly away, I drive away, I walk away. I'm frustrated at myself. I'm tired and constantly sleeping. My best friend is about to move away for 6 months and my other cloeset friend left last novemeber. I'm lonely. These are just some of the many flaws and faults taht are apart of me and who I am. If you can't accept my the negatives you don't deserve to know the positives.

Here is an undate. as of today 16.05.11

I’m still not a partier. I'm still not a people person. However I have learnt to deal with people. I swear, I don’t drink much anymore, People still call me rude, I just call it as I see it, if it’s on my mind then it’s going to be said. I can be inappropriate and I know how to play people although I try not to anymore. I used to get what I want, now I’m struggling. I'm full of myself, I am loud and I don't care who hears what I say. My dreams scare me. I have good days and I have bad days. I hate myself and love myself and now have someone who loves me. I enjoy sex but I’m no longer reckless, it’s no longer a game and I have settled down. I still don’t know how I feel about marriage but I do believe in karma. I've smoked cigarettes but I no longer smoke. I drive a corolla, which I didn't pay for and have crashed a few times. My spending habits are pitiful as I no longer have money. I'm not indulgent because I can’t afford to be, otherwise I would be. I get mad then get nasty. I can be malicious and vindictive. I get in your head and under your skin. I barely stay in contact with anyone at all anymore. I guess I’m ashamed and possibly embarrassed. I want to work more and play very little. I want to fly away and go on an adventure, I don’t go driving like I used to because I hurt someone who meant a lot to me and we spend no time together anymore. I'm frustrated at myself I also feel like a failure. I'm tired and constantly sleeping. My best friend is about to go on an adventure of a lifetime in a matter of months and my other closest friend left in 2009. I'm in love. These are just some of the many flaws and faults that are a part of me and who I am. If you can't accept my the negatives you don't deserve to know the positives

oh how the mighty have fallen.

you told me a job's a job and I have to take it. I have never wanted out more than I did in that moment. I understand a job is a job, but I have a job. Yes it pays shit and yes often I get frustrated with it and yes I understand that you're the one I talk to about it and complain about it but you clearly don't know me very well, if you can stand there and say that to me.

I feel like I've failed and to me it seems like you don't even care. I've lost so much already, and now I feel like I'm going backwards constantly. I'm not 15 years old, but thats exactly how I feel right now.