Hey Jealousy.

Come back to me when you're done with her.

Mind Games

So I was reading Judds blog and sort of landed on a thought, or a topic of sorts
Mind games..
At some point we've all played them.
So those who have played anothers game I have a thought for you..
Ever played for the sake of playing? With no intention of winning...
I Can't articulate exactly what I mean by this, and yes I have tried many a time, it really only makes sense in my mind so I'm asking for someone else to help explain what I mean.

When your playing not to win, not to play for an end, but just to play for the sake of playing, playing to keep to game going.. To me this isn't a wrong reason, just not a "normal" reason

I was trying to explain to someone why after 2 nearly 3 years I'm still playing the game, Still so intoxicated by the game and they didn't understand... It's not about winning, or being superior. It's not about being the best or about beating someone else. It's not about tearing other people down or destroying someone else.

Maybe its about self discovery, possibly self destruction, but it's addictive and exhilerating. Especially when you play with someone who doesn't always think in the box.

Using your brain, thinking beyond the obvious. That's my poison.

"...I tried to save him, I truly did. But when we both started to drown I had to save myself. I had a choice, I could sink or I could swim.. Swimming wasn't easy, but sinking would have been harder to do. It would have taken alot more effort to sink, than it did to swim. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my choice. I saved myself, but I couldn't save him. Swimming meant letting go, of everything, and everyone I knew. He was a good kid when I met him. He was everything to me, but I had to save myself, I just had to save myself..."

Sinking always seems like the easier option, you just let go and fall away. No effort, no fight... but what if swimming meant letting go and sinking meant holding on? Sometimes life throws you a challenge, a choice if you like.. for instance to sink or to swim. In a black and whitw world that would be the difference between living and dying, letting go and holding on... But then again sometimes black becomes white and vice versa... I wanted to sink, to fight like hell along side you and sink right down with you, but I let go. I swam and it was easier to swim than it was to sink.

Everyday I regret that.
I wish I could have saved you too, or died along with you.

The girl you'll never forget.

Your girlfriends asleep in your bed,
Thoughts of you fill her head..
Outside you go,
I bet she doesn't know
That you have your phone
And that she's all alone
As you take a drag on your cigarette
And call the girl you'll never forget


I lie in my bed,
Wishing I was her instead.
Alone and in the dark, it's you I long to see
Whilst I think "How lucky is she"
And suddenly there is a bright light
One that gives me such a fright
Its exactly 12:59
When I hear your voice on the other end of the line..



Maybe I'll add more to this one day.
But for now I don't know what more I can say.

tell me why,

Mistakes, We all make them.
And sure we like to tell ourselves that we learn from them, so why do we repaeat the same mistakes twice? Why do we get ourselves into situations that we know are only going to hurt us?
especially when it comes to affairs of the heart...
Once bitten forever smitten? I surely hope not
You see situation is I mad a big mistake.
Im not paying for it.
And I know given the chance I will go and make that same mistake again, and again and again.
So someone tell me why.

I was fucking your boyfriend

when you first started dating...

well I was,
not that he told me that
sorry love.


TOY.
Those words we leave unspoken,
Uncomfortable memories re-awoken.
3 years gone on by
And still you lie.
Again we start,
Only too soon we part.
5 months feels like 5 years...
What’s another thousand tears?
Once bitten twice shy...
Or a love that won’t die?
Silly girl, Silly boy
Should have known I was just a toy.

My "biblical" Creation.

Last night Mother dearest thought she would be funny by giving me a bible exhert to read that the local church put in our letter box.
About 10 minutes later I came out of my room and showed her exactly what I thought of the bible passage booklet. :).



Which gave me a brilliant idea. I am currently making mini christmas trees out of magazines. This here is one partially done that i started approximately 7 minutes ago. Wont take long, then to spray paint it and to glue tinsel to it.

Im not big on present and celebrating, but I must say I do love christmas.